Our Story: Part 2/3
The First Hints of Something Deeper
I (Tim) could feel something quietly shifting in my heart. At first, I genuinely just enjoyed the friendship I had with Anita. There were no conditions, no expectations, no need to impress her—it was easy, comfortable, and natural. But as time passed, a small voice inside began to whisper: What about Anita?
I started to wonder: You have this amazing friend—could this blossom into something more?
Over that year, as we spent more time together at the country home, my feelings for Anita began to grow. I started to see the potential for this incredible friendship, which I already treasured so deeply, to evolve into something greater. Having grown up in Canada and later traveled and served communities around the world, I had never met anyone who connected with me the way Anita did.
Every time I visited Anita, she would always send something for my mom. With a warm smile, she’d say, "Make sure you tell your mom it’s from me!" At first, it was small, thoughtful gifts—little tokens of kindness. But over time, as I handed them to my mom, something beautiful happened.
My mom began to speak of Anita with such admiration, even though they hadn’t met yet. She would mention how sweet and thoughtful Anita was, always so kind. Hearing my mom share these sentiments made me realize how deeply Anita had already touched her heart—and it warmed mine in ways I can’t fully explain.
The tug in my heart for Anita only grew stronger. I didn’t know what to do. I prayed often, asking, God, show me what to do.
In the meantime, I tried to get to know Anita better. I texted her more often, hoping she’d see my sense of humor, my perspective on life, and the way I viewed the world. I wanted to connect with her on a deeper level, but I wasn’t sure how to take the next step.
So, I tried small gestures—nothing big, just little things to test the waters. I remember going to the dollar store one day and spotting a colourful windmill. For some reason, I thought, Anita would love one of these! Why not surprise her?
On one of my visits, as Anita opened the door to greet me, I pulled the windmill from behind my back and said, “This is for you.” I didn’t know what kind of reaction to expect, but her expression left me speechless—a mix of surprise and uncertainty.
In that moment, my heart dropped.
Road Trips, Trader Joe’s and Tesla Talks
In September 2023, Tim’s charity was hosting a wine and cheese fundraiser at the winery next door, and we had been chatting more often as he worked to organize it. After the event, we went on one of our usual walks in the back fields of the Niagara house, talking about everything, just as we had done many times by now.
During our walk, Tim mentioned he was planning a personal trip to Portugal, followed by some H2O4all work in California. Then, almost casually, he added, “If you want, you could come along to California.”
A week or two later, feeling overwhelmed with work, I (Anita) decided on a whim to join him in California.
Tim has this rare quality that inspires instant trust—he doesn’t play games, always stays true to his word, and carries an open, genuine heart. I was completely confident that we could go as friends and have a good time together. Plus, I needed a change of scenery.
During that trip, we had the best conversations, driving down the Pacific Coast Highway in a Tesla rental. I met some of his H2O4all USA board members, who were also his longtime friends. We visited his favourite store, Trader Joe’s, and spent evenings laughing over our homemade charcuterie boards.
Coastal Drives and Growing Connections
I (Tim) invited Anita to California knowing she needed a break, a chance to step away from work and recharge. I was thrilled when she agreed to come along. California has always felt like a second home to me. I’ve spent years working in water treatment plants across the state, and it’s where we launched the USA branch of H2O4all, just outside of Sacramento.
We stayed with my close friends Joel and Donna, who are part of our USA sister charity and have hosted me countless times over the years.
Before the trip, I asked if I could bring a friend, and they were excited to meet Anita. I didn’t mention anything about my growing feelings for her, and they didn’t ask.
While we were there, another board member visited, and we also made a trip to see our board chair at his home an hour away. Anita connected instantly with everyone, and watching that happen brought me so much joy. After meeting her, each person came to me, saying how much they adored her—her warmth, her kindness, her genuineness. Hearing this from my closest friends was incredibly special.
Driving along the Pacific Coast Highway for meetings, surrounded by the breathtaking California landscape, I felt my heart tugging stronger than ever.
Meeting my friends, sharing these experiences, and spending hours with Anita on the road made me realize I couldn’t ignore my feelings any longer.
I had to find out if she felt the same way.
The Uno Game That Changed Everything
One night, during an intense game of Uno filled with laughter and jokes, I (Anita) started sharing my plans for an upcoming sabbatical in 2024. This was something I had been dreaming about and planning for years—saving money, sketching out dreams, imagining a return to the full-time adventuring life I had from 2011 to 2017. I was so excited, imagining the comeback of ‘Traveler Anita.’
“Who knows? Maybe I wouldn’t come back to Canada at all. Maybe I’d find a place in the world I loved so much, I’d decide to stay.”
As I dove deeper into my grand plans, Tim suddenly interrupted: “What about me?”
I froze, confused. “What do you mean?”
“I just don’t understand how someone as nice as you could leave all your friends and family behind,” he said.
I was a little offended by the way he put it. “I’m not leaving them,” I pushed back. “They’ll still be my friends—you’ll still be my friend! I just won’t see everyone as often, but I’ll come back to visit.”
Tim hesitated, then said softly, “But what about me?”
The words hung in the air. My heart raced as I realized what was happening: Tim was telling me he liked me. And I didn’t know what to say because I didn’t feel the same way. The conversation had to end. Right now.
I mumbled something about how we’d always be friends, and I’d see him when I came back. Then I quickly got up, excused myself from the Uno game, and went upstairs to get ready for bed.
The next morning, Tim seemed a little sad. I acted normal, chatting away as we made breakfast together, and he eventually seemed to perk up.
We packed up the car and continued the rest of our California trip without another conversation like that. As friends. I thought to myself, He’s such a gentleman—even after being somewhat rejected, he’s still kind and thoughtful.
The Heartache
When Anita mentioned the possibility of leaving for her sabbatical, my heart sank. I (Tim) remember the feeling so vividly—it was as if the ground had shifted beneath me. Here was someone I could be completely myself around, someone I was starting to have real feelings for. But now, here she was, describing her life without me in it.
At that moment, I knew I couldn’t live with myself if I didn’t at least try to tell her how I felt. I had no idea how to say it, and the words tumbled out suddenly:
“What about me?”
What I really meant was, What about us?
As soon as I said it, I realized the Uno game—and the entire conversation—had come to an abrupt, awkward halt.
All I could think was, Oh no… we still have so much of the trip left, and now everything’s going to be so awkward.
To my surprise, the next morning, Anita was her usual bubbly self. It was as if nothing had happened. She seemed to understand, yet didn’t make anything awkward. She didn’t avoid me, and was just as friendly as ever. In that moment, I realized how remarkable she was. Even though she didn’t feel the same way, she handled the situation with such grace and kindness.
She could look beyond the situation and still be the incredible friend I had come to cherish. I felt special, and I knew then that no matter what, I wasn’t going to lose Anita as a friend.
The Text I Didn’t Want to Send
When we returned to Canada, I (Anita) hoped we could stay friends. But Tim started texting me more frequently, and I found myself feeling uneasy. I didn’t see him that way, and I already knew he liked me. I felt like I needed to put a stop to it, but at the same time, I didn’t want to lose him as a friend. Tim was such a special person, and and I didn’t want to lose him as my friend!
I asked my sister to help me craft a long, diplomatic message explaining that I wanted us to just remain friends. I thought it was the best way to maintain boundaries while keeping our friendship intact. But before I sent it, something unexpected happened—God interrupted me.
As I held onto that message, rereading it over the next few days but hesitating to press “send,” I felt a stirring in my heart. A gentle nudge from God: Why are you resisting Tim so much?
“What?” I thought, completely caught off guard.
The question came again: Why are you resisting so hard? Why are you pushing Tim away? Could it be because there’s something there?
I wasn’t ready to face those questions. Eventually, I sent the text to Tim, but almost immediately, I regretted it. A part of me didn’t want to send it at all.
But how could I imagine myself with a 4-foot man? Tim’s torso was normal-sized, but his arms and legs were shorter. While that could look cute in some ways, it wasn’t what I had ever pictured in a partner.
I had always envisioned myself looking up into my partner’s eyes, but with Tim, that wasn’t possible.
What was I supposed to do?